My Backpack Doesn’t Care, Why Should I?

If you couldn’t tell by my blog name, I like Rapunzel. She’s a fabulous Disney Princess, but also, her name blends with mine really well.

I also happen to look like her, at least as far as big green eyes and long blonde hair. Unfortunately, my hair doesn’t glow, but I’m working on that.

Rapunzel and I have several other similarities too, a love for animals, a desire to explore, and a lifelong commitment to trying to make others happy.

One trait Rapunzel has that I’ve always wanted, is how free she always feels to be herself. Whether it’s through displaying her paintings all over her bedroom walls, or pronouncing her dream to a bar full of scary men, Rapunzel really does not give a shit about anyone thinking she’s weird.

I have always cared. I’ve always wanted to be liked, but wound up being so afraid that I became invisible most of the time.

So when I decided to dedicate myself to the task of being happy, I realized I had to accept myself, weirdness and all.

I started wearing dresses and high heels more often, just because I like wearing dresses and high heels. I started trying to talk in classes, share my thoughts. Sometimes what came out of my mouth was completely stupid and ridiculous, other times it was smart and creative.

Over the summer, I needed a new backpack. I was at the Disney store with Kariann, one of my best friends. The store is in the outlet mall down the street from her house, so we go there quite a bit.

I had seen this backpack multiple times before, and considered buying it every time. I always came up with excuses, it was too expensive, it might not be the right size, the side pockets are too small, but the truth is, I was afraid.

I was afraid because the backpack was bright purple with a big picture of Rapunzel on the front. It was a backpack designed for a seven year-old little girl, not a twenty-one year old. I was afraid that people would judge me if I wore this backpack on campus, assume that I didn’t belong there, a way I already felt a lot of the time.

On this particular day I had just bought a backpack, plain gray and relatively boring, from another store. When we walked into the Disney store I saw the backpack immediately. It was the last Rapunzel one and on clearance for half price.

“I have to buy it.”

“Really?” Kariann asked me.

“Yeah, why not?”

She shrugged. “I just thought you might be worried about how people will see you.”

For some reason, I was feeling particularly brave. “I don’t care,” I told her.

I brought back the other backpack. As I was packing up to come back to school I felt a lot of my initial fear return.

On my first day of classes, I put on my favorite jeans, high heels, and my Rapunzel backpack. And I looked damn adorable.

“Be weird. Be random. Be who you are. Because you never know who would love the person you hide.” -C. S. Lewis

Beginning Happy

Hi! My name is Chelle and I have decided that I am going to be happy.

Like plenty of people, I have a tendency to overthink things. I overthink about why that guy in my French class was looking at me, if staying in and finishing that book the other night was a mistake, and what the girl who saw me trying to change in the back of my car between shifts must have been thinking of me.

It’s exhausting.

And frankly, it isn’t very fun. After twenty-one years of being on this giant orbiting rock by pure chance, I haven’t figured out a lot. Honestly, I’m pretty lost nine times out of ten. But one thing I have figured out, is that spending twenty-one years worrying about everything was useless. Not once did worrying myself to tears make anything better. In fact, a lot of times it just made everything worse.

So I decided to stop.

Of course, I’d be lying if I told you that I stopped worrying overnight. It’s a work in progress. I’m a work in progress. And I’m starting to realize that that’s okay.

Don’t take life too seriously. You’ll never get out of it alive. -Elbert Hubbard

Photo by Moritz Schumacher